You know them. You may even hate them. Better yet, you probably are one or used to be one. Side-chicks, mistresses, and the other woman have become rather relevant in our black communities. There is not too much of a difference between the three terminologies associated with the woman who is with a taken or married man. For the purpose of this article, I will use the terminology side-chick.

My black women, I admit, we are winning in the academics, earning promotions, and starting our own businesses. In other words, we can stand on our own. Indeed, you have worked hard to sustain a quality of living. But there is one area where we are ignorant and senseless in and that is the area of relationships. As black women, we sell ourselves short when it comes to relationships.  You acknowledge the fact that he may be in a relationship or married and the woman he has is no comparison to you. Therefore, you generate this thought that it is ok to be involved with a man that is married or taken. As a side-chick, you possess the following qualities: manipulative, conniving, versatile, and obedience. So why do some black women consent to being side-chicks?

Power. Women love the idea of power. Black women, in particular, have had power since the castration of our black men. Over time, this power has manifested into something that is devious and destructive. Using your power to manipulate someone else’s man into doing the things you want him to do is phenomenal in your eyes. Without any effort, black women have the power to grab someone else’s companion and consent to whatever will happen next. Sometimes, the power even controls the girlfriend or wife. These women usually are aware of the side-chick and tend to have a mental breakdown over the fact that their man is seeing another woman. Matters become worse if there are children involved because the side-chick’s power has been known to demolish a family household.  Indeed, her power is addictive, influential, and enticing.

Rewards. Of course, black women or any other type of women are not going to be the side-chick for nothing. There are rewards that come with being a side-chick. Money is probably the most popular form of reward for a side-chick. If you live in the hood or the projects, this will be an additional income for you and you will do whatever you must in order to continue to receive money. After all, why should I spend my money when I can spend yours, right? In a side-chick’s scheming mind, all she needs to do is toy with a man’s emotions. Like a deer lost in headlights, he falls for it, and provides her with almost anything she needs. Another reward is sexual pleasure. This reward is usually the gateway to all other rewards.  The oversexualizing image of the black female in music videos and movies has captivated the general population of men. Let’s be honest; a man is not going to supply a side-chick with anything unless there is some type of intercourse involved. Companionship is another reward for side-chicks. In exchange for her time and played out dirty tricks that she may provide to a taken or married man, she earns a few moments of companionship. But those moments are shortly lived when he has to return to his girlfriend or wife.

Little effort. Since black women have worked so hard to make their mark in society, the last thing that they want to do is work hard for someone else’s man. What I mean by working hard is taking on extra duties of the wife or girlfriend.  She only has one and that is pleasuring your man. If she feels that she has too many duties, she will move on to another man that does not require her to do much.

To my black women who consider themselves side-chicks or any other terminology used to degrade you, I am appalled and disgusted at the very fact that you can accept any position that dehumanizes you as a black woman. You are part of the reason why black families and the foundation of the black household is destroyed. You play a role in destroying our communities by inflicting your poisonous ideologies on our youth and like a cancerous sore, your ideologies affect our upcoming black women and men. You have mentally conceived that the world is yours and that world owes you something when in reality we owe you nothing. You don’t even realize that you have the power to find your own companion and build your own black family because you are so focused on destroying someone’s else’s happiness for the sake of your own pleasure. You have become this narcissist individual that leaves a trail of wreckage behind. I urge you, side-chick, to reconsider your options and change your views in order for our black communities and families to thrive.