Attractiveness should not be the only characteristic you consider when choosing a life partner. We are so caught up in what the media calls sexy or fine as hell. Some men disregard a woman’s intellectual intelligence and decides that her beauty will make up for what she lacks mentally. On the other hand, some women fail to analyze a man’s goals and motives and conceive the notion that his power and materialistic purchases are what makes him a man. It is this kind of thinking that will cause anyone to lose sight on what it means to truly be in a relationship.

At one point in time, I had a friend, that dated this oh so fine/sexy guy. I mean he was a show stopper! There would be times that I would engage into conversation with her and of course I would ask her how her and her man was doing. She would respond fine. Then I noticed the mood swings she would have with him and away from him. One minute she was fine, the next she was crying. This wasn’t once in blue moon. As her friend, I felt that it was not my place to tell her what she should do. The only thing I could do for her, is be there when she needed me. It turns out that Mr. Show Stopper had multiple women, maxed out one of her credit cards, and would leave the country without telling her. Believe it or not, this went on for five years!

I often think to myself, what if my friend would have married this guy or had children by him? Her life would be a complete hell because there is no way in god’s name that man would have changed his lifestyle in order to marry her. No matter how much she cried and begged him to stop, he was not going to change for her.  Men are not the only ones who play dirty, women do it as well. There are women out here that continuously scheme and plot to see where their next child is coming from (blac chyna). If you are a man that ONLY thinks with his penis, then you will be caught in a black widow’s web.

Sometimes, we build our relationship on the foundation of shallow characteristics. Shallow characteristics include the following: choosing someone based off of their skin tone/ethnicity, outside beauty, sexual pleasure, materialistic possessions, and financial status. To be honest, I have chosen a mate or two based off of a couple of these characteristics( btw the relationship was over within a year). However, building a relationship based off of shallow characteristics may lead you on a path to a toxic relationship. Once we see that this person has flaws, we tend to overlook them because we have become so caught up in the shallow characteristics that they have presented to us. Overtime, these characteristics that we are so  mesmerized by become the very reason for why we enter a toxic relationship.

You are special, whether you know it or not. Therefore, you deserve someone who is going to treat you with respect and give you honor. Not realizing how special and valuable you are will allow others to take advantage of you. To my sisters of all ethnicities, you are beautiful. However, you have to learn how to respect yourself. Do not allow any man to dehumanize you and take you for granted. You shouldn’t have to put yourself in uncomfortable situations in order to make a man happy. For my gentleman, you are our protectors and providers. Stop degrading women for the sake of your pleasure. We as women are your partners. Yes, women will test you, but it is only to see how much you love us and how far you are willing to go for us.