“The realist people don’t have a lot friends.”  Tupac Shakur

Your circle does grow smaller as you get older. We all have our reasons for why we eliminate most of our friends. To be honest, I have been on both sides of the spectrum. I have eliminated and been eliminated. As a kid, I thought I would have many friends. People who were close to me and understood everyday struggles. That never really happened for me.  I consider myself odd( others call it being real) We all know society’s  consequences of being too real.  Thank god I didn’t give into society’s ideas on what normal should be. But, lately I have been wanting to connect with someone other than my significant other.

Growing older, I have found that I have many acquaintances. I blame myself for not trying to develop these relationships. Most of time, I use stupid excuses such as this person does not understand me or we have nothing in common. This was the teenager thinking within me. Most friends do not have anything in common in the beginning of their relationship. The differences with each other is what makes the relationship blossom. It doesn’t stop there. Being a friend requires hard work. When you are a friend, you usually find yourself going out of your way to show your loyalty. You share your darkest secrets knowing that your friend will not tell. Or just simply being there for each other for the good and the terrible. But, I know I can’t do these things with an acquaintance because there is a  possibility that an acquaintance can be a foe in disguise. No one wants to get trapped in this crossfire, but it does happen. I tend to hang on to the acquaintances that mean no harm. However, I am always careful about the things that I say.

Reflecting on my youth and adulthood, I realized that I have a difficult time developing a long lasting relationships with the same sex. I’m not an awful person.( at least I hope not)  I see snap-chats and Instagram pictures of girls night out, but I haven’t had to many of those nights. Sure, I have been on group dates with my significant other. I even thought about developing friendly relationships with other women within the group date. But, I never get around to making that move. Mostly because I am afraid. I have let fear deprive me of developing any type of friendship.  It also doesn’t help that I have been betrayed by some women. Eventually, I know I have to learn how to forgive and move on from past experiences. It’s a healing process that not too many people or willing to do.